Hollow Heart
Ever felt like you’re empty inside? Ever felt like you don’t know where your going and where you’re going to end up? The world seems to revolve around you yet it seems to be moving away day by day, leaving you alone, facing the darkness all by yourself. Well, that’s my life right now, it means so much yet feels like nothing to me. Filled with irony and emptiness. Life is hard, especially when you don’t have anything to look forward to. That’s sounds kind of depressing does it? I am a little depressed these days but no one would believe it though. Yea I laugh a lot, I joke a lot, I make a lot of people laugh everyday but I can laugh my ass off this second and stare at the wall for hours the next second.
All credit goes to three “things” for all the thing that’s occupying my mind. First one goes to my past. All the regret and stupidity that have haunted me for all these years. One of my biggest secret that nobody besides me and my family knows. My crazy little first crush, that’s was kinda fun at first but it didn’t turn out well at the end. Again, nobody knows what happened except for moa.
Let’s talk about the present. This is and extremely important year. Yet, I have not had my priorities sorted. My mind says one thing but my body does the other. Every night I would just think about all that happened during that day and I must say, I’m not a tad bit proud of myself. I’m just the biggest loser on this planet. I have no one to talk to, there are people who might be willing to listen to me but I just don’t have the courage to say anything. I’m tired of being cheerful,I’m tired of trying to get good grades, I’m tired of being alone and I’m tired of being the guy that always whines and complain about his life.
Last but not least (been using that phrase since F1), the almighty yet mysterious future. I have absolutely no idea what to expect, all the plans that I have made seems to be reaching a dead end. I do not take my ambition lightly but I don’t think I’m doing what is needed to be what I want to be. Besides, everything that I want to be, I’m just not good enough for it. So I have two choices in front of me, start from the very bottom, live a crappy life with a crappy pay and pray everyday that I can even be anywhere near my goal or study something that I am not interested in, have a job that I am not interested in, get an average pay and live a typical average life.
I know I’m being stupid for posting these kind of stuff on here. This would just end up being someone’s gossip topic or people would just think that I’m asking for sympathy, say what you want, I have no right whatsoever to ask you to stop. Anyway, this will most likely be my last post. I got myself another blog in some other place where no one would ever read what I write but maybe I will turn this into a music blog. I’m not sure. Till then, take care guys.
